Have you ever caught yourself in a parenting moment and thought, "Oh no, I sound just like my mom!" or "I'm turning into my dad!"? Don't worry, you're not alone in this parental déjà vu. As the old saying goes, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree," and when it comes to parenting, we often find ourselves recreating patterns from our own childhood – for better or worse.
But what if there was a way to understand these patterns, break free from unhelpful cycles, and become the parent you've always hoped of being? Well, turns out there is a way. Enter the wisdom of the Enneagram.
Your Parenting GPS
The Enneagram is like a personality GPS, helping you navigate the twists and turns of your own ego and psyche. It identifies nine distinct personality types, each with its own set of strengths, challenges, and growth areas. When applied to parenting, it's like having a user manual for both yourself and your kids!
Dr. Dan Siegel, renowned psychiatrist and parenting expert, emphasises the importance of self-awareness in parenting:
When we're not aware of our own patterns, we're likely to unconsciously pass them on to our children.
The Enneagram provides that crucial mirror, allowing us to see ourselves clearly and make conscious choices in our parenting journey.
Okay. Let's dip our toes in the pool of Enneagram parenting styles and see which one resonates most:
1. The Over Perfectionistic Parent (Type 1): "I strive for order, but I need to remember that mistakes are part of the journey—even for my little ones!"
* Strength: Sets high standards and teaches responsibility
* Growth Area: Embracing imperfection and spontaneity
2. The Over Nurturing Parent (Type 2): "I love to nurture, but sometimes I smother! I'm learning to care for myself while supporting my kids."
* Strength: Provides unconditional love and emotional support
* Growth Area: Setting healthy boundaries and practicing self-care
3. The Over Achiever Parent (Type 3): "I'm all about ambition, but I might be pushing my kids too hard—after all, they're still learning to be themselves!"
* Strength: Encourages goal-setting and celebrates achievements
* Growth Area: Valuing effort over outcome and embracing authenticity
4. The Over Emotional Parent (Type 4): "With my creative heart, I can be a bit dramatic. I want my kids to express themselves, but I need to balance my feelings with theirs!"
* Strength: Fosters emotional intelligence and creativity
* Growth Area: Maintaining emotional stability and practical grounding
5. The Over Analytical Parent (Type 5): "I'm the curious investigator, often lost in my thoughts. I have to remember to tune into my kids' emotions, too!"
* Strength: Encourages intellectual curiosity and independent thinking
* Growth Area: Engaging emotionally and being more present
6. The Over Cautious Parent (Type 6): "I'm fiercely loyal and protective, but my fears can make me a bit controlling—time to let them explore!"
* Strength: Creates a safe, secure environment and teaches preparedness
* Growth Area: Fostering independence and embracing calculated risks
7. The Over Enthusiastic Parent (Type 7): "I bring the fun, but my impulsive side can lead to neglected chores! I want a joyful childhood for my kids, but reliability is key too."
* Strength: Inspires adventure, optimism, and joy
* Growth Area: Establishing routines and following through on commitments
8. The Over Protective Parent (Type 8): "I'm all about safety, but I can be a bit too much! I want my kids to be strong, but I need to give them space to grow."
* Strength: Teaches assertiveness and stands up for their children
* Growth Area: Allowing vulnerability and softening their approach
9. The Over Accommodating Parent (Type 9): "I'm a peace-loving parent who avoids conflict, but I need to remember my own needs and set boundaries!"
* Strength: Creates a harmonious home environment and mediates conflicts
* Growth Area: Setting clear expectations and addressing issues directly
Spot yourself? Great! But don't worry – awareness is the first step towards growth! As parenting expert Dr. Shefali Tsabary wisely notes,
The greatest gift you can give your child is your own psychological and spiritual transformation.
Time to Revolt!
Understanding your Enneagram type is just the beginning. The real magic happens when you use this knowledge to transform your parenting approach. Here's how you can start:
1. Reflect on your parenting patterns and how they align with your Enneagram type. If you don't know your Enneagram type yet, that's also okay. Simply reflecting on your strengths and growth areas as a parent is a healthy place to start. You might even notice that with some of your kids, your parenting strengths and growth areas are not the same.
2. Identify one area where you feel you really need to grow in your role as a parent. How would things be different for you and your family if you were able to transform in this area?
3. Choose a small, concrete action to address this area. Only one action. What is one thing that you could do differently that could break the cycle and pattern? For example, if you're the Over Perfectionstc Tyoe, you might have notuced the spellng errors in this sentence. You might even disregard all the good and wholesome information you've read so far because of it. Okay, deep breath! :) In the same way you might be so focused on the errors in your child and you maybe missing how truly awesome they really are? Ditto for the other types.
Remember, as the brilliant Maya Angelou once said,
Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.
The Enneagram gives you the "know better" – now it's time for the "do better"!
Ready to Revolutionise Your Parenting?
If this brief exploration of the Enneagram has piqued your curiosity and you're hungry for more, I've got exciting news for you! I'm really thrilled to invite you to my upcoming "Mindful Parenting with The Enneagram" Webinar.
In this transformative 4-session online course, we'll dive deep into:
- How to leverage your Enneagram type's strengths in parenting
- Practical strategies to overcome your type's parenting pitfalls
- Tools for better understanding and connecting with your children
- And much more!
Don't miss this opportunity to join a community of like-minded parents on a journey of self-discovery and growth. Let's unlock the secrets of conscious parenting and create lasting, positive change in our families.
Space is limited, so secure your spot today! Your future self (and your kids) will thank you.
Understanding yourself is the first step to understanding your children.
Let's embark on this beautiful, messy, wonderful parenting journey together – armed with the wisdom of the Enneagram.
Hope to see you soon.
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